Dating

I naturally need to get into this topic; don´t say you have not really been interested in this, I would not believe you…

1. Generosity, affection and gentlemen-like behaviour

Peruvian men (and I believe generally Latino men) are in majority affectionate and generous – when courting. They will not expect you to share the bill; wherever you go you are simply invited. Because you are a woman – a woman they like. If you are lovers, they will openly show their love to you by hugging you, kissing you, holding your hand anywhere in public – sometimes maybe more than necessary in the sober European love-terms. As they believe their country can get seriously dangerous, they will always make sure to guide you home, drive you home or take a taxi with you all the way home before they leave. It would be a great shame on any man, even just a friend, if they did not make sure you got home safely. So the European „kiss and goodbye“ when you are getting onto your Uber would not apply here – because god knows what could be the taxi driver´s intentions – especially if you are a naturally blond and green-eyed gringa…

2. Hostals

So, in the Western world the usual question – starting by the third date or so – is: “Your place or mine?” Forget about that here… as I mentioned in one of my previous articles, it is not so common for people to live alone here, they are sharing their apartments and houses with family members, cousins, rarely friends. Flat-sharing as such (with strangers) is not common here, but co-living with your family members and friends is normal. Even if you are married with kids, there could be cousins and other family members asking you to kindly let them live with you as they have nowhere to go. And with the system (understand the government) failure here, and the importance of the family here, you can barely say no… so, if you want to make sure you can live alone, you´d better move hundreds of kilometres away from your family and cousins…

What those in love are forced to do, as they live in “full houses”, when they want to be intimate, is thus paying for a hostal (for several hours) – an amazing business in this country! Seriously, if you have good capital and no idea where to invest your money, make a hostal in a Peruvian town! Food, sex and drugs (incl. alcohol, tobacco etc.) are things that will always be present, no matter what, no matter where…

3. Gifting

As mentioned above, men here can be very generous. But make sure, you never let out a phrase such as: “I don´t need these expensive gifts.” Yes, you do. If you say you don´t deserve something, or similar stupid hypocritical Western phrases, the guy might get the idea you truly don´t. So, just understand YOU ARE WORTH IT and if the guy wants to do it for you, let him do it for you. Use the time of courting in the best way you can!

4. Shopping

I remember my partners in the Western world complained every time we went shopping for some of their clothes or shoes that the gents section is always hidden somewhere “up there” or “down there” and it order to find it, they have to get through female sections (twice or thrice as big as the gents sections). Honestly, they were right. The feminists might want to get my skin for this, but seriously, in the Western consumerism, the woman is the leader – and it´s been officially claimed so ever since “What women want” with Mel Gibson came out (You can´t help but feel sorry for him in this movie, right?).

Here, it´s different. You have merely ladies shops. Or merely gents shops. And if they are intended for both sexes, you will have the gents section on one side and the ladies on the other side, so they basically run along… only in a few shops you see what is common in the Western world.

5. Rendez-vous

When with the friends, your enamorado might not pay too much attention to you. When alone, he will bring the blue from the sky into your hands, will overwhelm you with affection and in text messages will make you feel like the queen of the world if he is sincerely in love with you.

However, you might realize, unless located in Lima or Cuzco, you are doing the same things all over again: dining out, cooking together, karaoke, beaches, walking along the promenades and getting ice cream. Well, don´t blame the man for that. There really is not that much else to do. Forget about theatre, ballet, opera, museums and galleries. In Chimbote, if you are dying for art, you will find yourself wondering in the streets looking for street art murals, or sitting in churches in order for your eyes to see at least some paintings… but then, you can still go shopping, you can go to cinema (if you speak Spanish – no movies with original English sound here, sorry, though the amount of Hollywood production movies in cinemas is enormous), to gym or to the Vivero park. Rendez-vous at night somewhere on the beach is impossible because you would have to pay some people to ensure the safety of you and your car and then you don’t really want to be intimate in front of other people who are your bodyguards.

Books are expensive here and libraries basically none-existing, so reading a book at home with a glass of wine (madly expensive here), during a foot massage, is also not a common thing. But – there is plasmas and Netflix… and beauty salons with massages for both…

6. Machoism and more myth breaking…

No, Latino men are not all necessarily machists. But can be. Many of them are. And those who are tend to be proud of being such. Those who are not machists will simply want your love to be at the same level with your respect.

If you want to find out if your man is a machista, just “create a drama” as they say here… yes, it is really just that simple. Don’t bother reading what Cosmopolitan advices you to try out to see if there are signs of machoism in your man (like that there could be the thing about his mother being the best woman in his life, complaints that you do not take enough care of yourself – or him, or you do not respect him enough; or his not liking your masculine friends or bikini photographs; and his flirting with other ladies in front of you). Those are clichés and your feminine intuition will help you out naturally.

Take the advice of the local women here and make a drama! Be hysterical, be a drama queen, best during your PMS! And see what happens, how your man reacts… make a few of these, with gradual intensity, over something that actually truly bothers you… and see… and remember, a machista can also be of a hidden nature, not aware he is one, which means it is even worse because the person has suppressed his aggressiveness and fear that a woman might be stronger than him. It is often a person who does not have a sufficiently stable value for himself and is looking for a woman who will seem to be always perfect and give him the feeling that he is of value at all times. You do not need such a person in your life. There are plenty of other fish in the sea… or the Pacific Ocean… 

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